Braver than the Bravest of Us
by everlovingdeer
Summary: "A smile," I insisted softly. "Maybe it's brave to keep smiling when the world seems hell-bent on erasing that smile?" "Well," he started slowly, watching me with eyes that were so gentle I almost couldn't keep looking at him, "then you're the bravest person I know."
1. Braver than the Bravest of Us

Gossip was the thing I liked the least. Often because I'd do absolutely nothing and still, find myself at the centre of the gossip. When people didn't like something, they could often go out of their way to avoid it. But, when it came to gossip, Hogwarts with rife with it and everywhere you went you'd come across some group of students – male, female or whatever – gossiping about someone. Even now, as I sat at breakfast waiting for the rest of my dormmates to join me, I could hear people talking about things they had no business discussing. This was the worst part about being the one to wake the earliest out of my dormmates; I was surrounded by gossip.

After a few months of being the only person from my dorm to come down for breakfast and waiting for everyone else, I'd taken to hiding, physically and emotionally, behind the newspaper. More often than not, I didn't care what stories the newspapers were writing about, but as I grew older the articles revolved more and more about the unrest we were facing because of the rise in Voldemort's followers.

The teachers wanted to shield us from the true extent of everything out there in the world, but once I'd finished this year, I would be thrust into the world out there. Facing the truth of Voldemort, even if only hearing the truth through newspaper articles, was important. And, if by reading the paper, I also avoided having to listen to the gossip, then that was an added bonus.

Turning the page of my paper to continue reading from where I'd left off, my ears perked up at the sound of my surname. I held my tongue, listening to whatever gossip was circulating about me, about my shrouded past. For now, I would listen, without looking up to see just who was talking about me. Just what was being circulated now?

"McEwen?" a voice belonging to one of the sixth years tested my surname, "her surname is different from her parents? Do you think they aren't her real parents?"

Someone laughed in response, "Helga, maybe her real parents gave her up? Maybe they didn't want her?"

"Really?" someone else asked incredulously, making me think that perhaps there was someone with sense. I became too hopeful too soon, "Because I heard that her parents are actually her uncle and aunt; her biological parents passed away when she was younger."

Finally, growing tired, I pointedly clearing my throat and the chatter ended. Closing the newspaper and folding it in half, I set it beside my plate of half-eaten French toast. Finally, after taking a moment to steady myself, I looked towards the gossiping group of sixth years who watched me with surprise, caught out – not expecting me to be the person hiding behind the newspaper. Not only were they not expecting me but they'd managed to forget that I was a Prefect as well.

Rather than berating them or lashing out at them as was permitted, I remained silent. They continued to wait, dreading what I was going to say. Instead, I smiled a smile that I'd heard so many people talk about before. People wondered how a smile, when presented in the face of so much ill-intended gossip, could still be sweet and truthful. I gestured towards the teapot beside them.

"Do you mind passing me the tea, please?" Surprised at the pleasant request, they shared a look as if expecting it to be a trap. They continued to look between one another and I gestured once more towards the teapot. "Please?"

"Oh -," the one nearest to the pot picked it up and held it out towards me. Her hand shook slightly as I reached for the teapot, "Here."

"Thank you."

Turning my eyes away from the gossiping trio, I summoned an empty teacup and poured myself some tea. Reaching for the milk and sugar, I found myself once more listening out for whatever they were going to say because they _were _going to say something. Sure enough, as I raised the cup to my lips, they started to speak once more.

"She's so strange." Helga, I wasn't surprised.

Shaking my head, I turned my eyes once more to the paper. But I was saved from having to pick it up again when my friends arrived finally for their breakfast. They sought me out and instantly came to join me, helping themselves to food as they greeted me.

Kaiya Magalona settled beside me and took one look at the newspaper. With a well-meaning smile, she knocked it away from me and nudged me with her shoulder, "Don't let anything anyone says get you down."

"I never do," I assured her with a smile.

"Now say it like you mean it and I might actually believe you."

* * *

Finally finished with a school day that seemed to drag and drag and _drag, _I was all too ready to run back to the common room so I could just lie down. Sometimes, without any of us realising it, my friends and I simply spent a night lying awake and talking and bingeing on all the food we'd snuck from the kitchens. Really, we needed to stop the habit because we were all knackered the next morning – practically falling asleep partway through first period and sneaking in a nap during lunch. And yet we didn't.

Somehow, we always found ourselves once more reverting back to the maladaptive tradition and still during that long night, we never ran out of things to talk about. Despite that, despite having fully enjoyed myself, I just needed to sleep. Thankfully with tomorrow being a Saturday, I could sleep in and get some much-needed rest.

Although spying the Gryffindor approaching me, I realised that I was going to be held up until whatever conversation he wanted to begin came to an end. Sometimes, whenever Black approached me, we could have a conversation that was anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour-long. And if I fell asleep practically standing up – he'd throw a strop and badger me about finding him boring. Bleeding drama queen.

Already knowing, from the way his eyes were rooted solely on me, I told my friends to get to the common room ahead of me. There was no need for us all to suffer for longer than necessary. Promising that I wouldn't disturb them from their sleep when I finally did get to the dorm, I waited patiently. When Black finally got close enough, he snagged my arm by the sleeve of my robe and tugged me after him. Sighing, I followed after him as he pulled me into an alcove, tucked away and hidden from all the scrutinising eyes that were no doubt, trying to figure out what to make of our already well known, and rather odd, friendship.

"Merlin, Sirius," I complained, pulling my robe sleeve away from his insistent grip. Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I warned, "I think I'm going to fall asleep 10 minutes into this conversation so you'd better keep this short."

For a moment, he regarded me in silence until an amused smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I can't make any promises, McEwen."

"Why am I not surprised?" Resigned to my fate, I asked, "Why did you approach me then?"

Only then did the smile slip from his face. He regarded me closely for a minute seemingly like he couldn't speak a word, "How are you?"

"Fine," I answered like a reflex, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

This conversation, a reflection of one we'd had so often, had Sirius shaking his head. He knew exactly what fine meant; he'd learned it somewhere along the way. "Don't you hear what everyone is saying?"

"Of course, I can hear what people are saying about me."

"And it doesn't bother you?" he asked incredulously, surprised at not getting the response he felt was rational to have in this situation. Although, I'd seen his definition of rational before and wasn't certain that _he _was capable of rational thinking either.

"None of this is worth the time spent getting bothered over."

"I _really _don't understand you." I offered him a shrug; this really was something we'd talked about back and forth. No matter how hard I'd tried, our outlooks sometimes simply couldn't match.

The Gryffindor in Sirius would have me marching up to each and every single person that spoke ill of me and 'sorting them out'. He blamed my so-called passivity as being something strictly Hufflepuff and wrong. Sometimes he was so foolhardy and stubborn, that it was easier just to be silent. Sometimes.

"The longer you keep ignoring it, the more people will begin to talk about you," he tried to convince me, voice lowering as he moved closer to me, trying to make sure that those who lingered outside the alcove minded their own business. I waited, simply looking at Sirius as he glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowed as he waited for our eavesdroppers to leave. Finally looking down at me, Sirius offered me a hesitant smile, "If you want people to stop talking, then you have to speak up to put a stop to it all. You need to be brave, McEwen and begin standing up for yourself."

"Do you think that standing up for yourself is the only way to be brave?" I asked suddenly, studying him closely. Regardless of the silence he gave me as an answer, I knew that he did think so – it was all there in his eyes. "That's not the only way to be brave."

"McEwen –"

I shook my head, cutting him off; it was important that he understood this. "No, Sirius. Just because I don't confront the people that say things about me, it doesn't mean I'm not brave or courageous. Surely, you get that?"

"Honestly?" Sirius searched my eyes before admitting, "I don't get it."

"As much as I would like to explain this to you and make you understand, I need to get to my common room." Knowing that I was going to walk away, he grabbed my hand and tried to keep me by him. With a smile, I brushed his hand away, "I really need to get to my common room; I'm knackered Sirius and I just want to sleep."

Eventually, he nodded once and just stepped away. With an answering smile, he promised to speak to me later and gave me a wave before we both turned and headed off in opposite directions.

* * *

Monday morning arrived _far _too quickly.

The first period on Monday morning found us sitting, tired and mildly cranky, in the Defence classroom. I wanted nothing more than for the lesson to be a theoretical lesson, where I could just sit and write notes which were the best way to properly wake up. But, partway through, I realised with mild annoyance that this would actually be a practical lesson.

Standing at the front of the class, the Professor who seemed to change every year, clapped his hand to stop all the chatter. Turning in his direction, I listened as the Professor asked us all to rise to our feet to duel. Satisfied with the request, he turned to take his seat once more but stopped just before he sat down.

He glanced over the class as we rose to prepared to duel, "Don't pair up in your usual groups – different partners, please. If you wind up battling a dark wizard, you're not going to know the spells they're likely to cast; you have to react to the surprise and think on your feet."

Moving away from my desk, I joined the other members of the class as we pushed the tables out of the way to the side of the room. Once the tables were out of the way, I grabbed my wand and looked cautiously around the room; who was I supposed to duel with?

The decision was made for me. Sirius crossed the room and approached me, holding a hand out towards me. Raising my eyes to his, I couldn't help but return his warm smile with one of my own.

"I'm not going to go easy on you," he warned as I walked right past him towards a clear space. Sirius turned, eyes trailing after me.

When I stopped and waited for him to join me, I called out, "Neither will I."

Rather than rising to my teasing, Sirius crossed the space to stand in front of me. He drew his wand from his pocket, raising it to his side as I adopted a defensive position. But when he refused to launch the first assault, I couldn't help but watch him curiously. The infuriating man, in the face of my constant vigilance, failed to hide a laugh.

"_Sirius_, be serious."

"I am Sirius." Knowing I'd walked right into that, I decided to be the first to attack.

Whilst he was distracted, I sent a stinging hex right towards him. Sirius, not seeing it coming, failed to deflect it and got hit in the chest for not paying attention. He howled, rubbing at the spot I'd hit him in and was no longer laughing.

Watching me with an exaggerated frown, he warned, "I'm going to get you for that."

"You can _try_," in the face of my confidence, he couldn't help but smirk.

Sirius, for all his horsing around, was a very good dueller. It made sense considering that he'd been duelling with other students since our first year and if I thought about it, it meant he had seven years of experience to it. And _I _hadn't gone around duelling every year that we'd been at school and I certainly didn't duel outside of defence so, we were severely outmatched. Despite his earlier words, he _was _ going easy on me and it was still a struggle for me to best him.

Eventually, likely because he was tired of the one-sided duel, Sirius lowered his wand to his side. Part of me wanted to throw another stinging hex his way just to point out that in the real world, the duel wouldn't end simply because he lowered his wand. Following his lead, I dropped my own wand and watched with mild apprehension as he walked towards me. The closer he got to me, the clearer I could see him; his eyes had hardened over the way they did each time he duelled and it was like a blow that wasn't softened at all by the smile on his face.

When he was finally standing in front of me, he breathed out slowly, eyes softening and returning once more to that gentle warmth that I so associated with Sirius. As if he knew just how much I was thrown to see his eyes so devoid of that warmth, to see them look like ice, he reached out to brush his fingers over the back of my hand, rooting me.

"Sirius?"

"What did you mean? Last time we talked?"

"Last time we talked?" I repeated slowly, thinking back for a moment. "Oh – I just meant that there's more than one type of bravery. There's bravery that is brash and consists of punches and drawn wands and shooting curses –"

"Gryffindor bravery," he supplied with a smile.

"Yeah," I agreed with a quiet laugh. "But there's also bravery that means someone can look at people that have hurt them over and over again and just offer them a smile."

"A smile?" he repeated, the way he said it made it obvious that he didn't get it. He simply couldn't understand how a smile could equate to a punch or a drawn wand.

"A smile," I insisted softly. "Maybe it's brave to keep smiling when the world seems hell-bent on erasing that smile?"

"Well," he started slowly, watching me with eyes that were so gentle I almost couldn't keep looking at him, "then you're the bravest person I know."

* * *

Following on from our Defence lesson, Sirius kept me back at the end of the lesson. With an indulgent roll of my eyes, I waved my friends away and waited patiently. Gathering my things in my bag, I glanced across the classroom towards Sirius who said something quietly towards his friends. Whatever he said had them smiling but ushering him away, back towards me once he was done. Looking to Sirius with expectant eyes, I waited for him to say something. But it was no surprise when he didn't give me an explanation. Instead, he just grabbed me by the sleeve and hauled me out of the classroom when Potter started to heckle something that I didn't quite make out. I guessed it was rude given the one finger salute Sirius sent back.

When we made it to the hallway, we started together in the direction of our shared Herbology class in silence. As we walked, I continued to sneak glances towards Sirius, knowing that he must have had something he wanted to speak to me about. Whatever it was, it had him wringing his hands together in a nervous gesture that I had rarely ever seen from him. It almost had me reaching out to take his hand reassuringly in mine. Instead, my eyes lingered on one of the other Gryffindors who watched Sirius with a teasing smile as he walked past.

"Sirius, just what sort of trouble did you get into last night?" For a moment, he didn't respond until he eventually looked at me with a teasing smile.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he asked playfully, nudging me with his shoulder as we approached the exit that led to the school grounds.

I glanced down at my watch, realising we had some time left until the next lesson began. Walking out into the grounds, I went to ask Sirius something when one of the sixth year Ravenclaws – who I just _knew _was trouble from the smirk on his face – said something he really shouldn't have.

"Really McEwen, I get that you're desperate to be accepted by someone, but to cling to Black of all people?"

I groaned quietly; Ravenclaws clearly had no survival instinct. If I was on my own, I would have ignored him and continued to walk away, focusing on getting to my Herbology lesson on time. But, because I was walking with Sirius, I knew things wouldn't end so easily. To say something so stupid whilst I was with _Sirius Black_ was like asking to take part in a duel. And sure enough, his Gryffindor temper lashed out.

In the blink of an eye, Sirius grabbed the sixth year by the collar and hauled him towards him. Standing literally toe to toe with the Ravenclaw, Sirius glared dangerously down at the shorter boy and held him firm. Even as the Ravenclaw struggled against his hand, he wasn't going anywhere. His friends tried to intercede, stepping forward to help but it took one single look from Sirius to make them doublethink.

"Do you _really _want to get involved?" he asked the other Ravenclaws before turning back to the one he was still holding firm. Sirius shook him roughly, paying no heed to me when I tried to placate him. Rather, when I approached, Sirius made the Ravenclaw face me, "Apologise now, or else I'm going to do something I'm not going to regret."

"_Sirius_," I pleaded, grabbing the arm he had outstretched towards the other boy. Turning to look at him, I tried to meet his eyes but he wouldn't look at me. "Sirius, let him go."

He refused, holding firm and in the face of the Ravenclaw's obstinance, I actually thought that he was going to punch him. Helga, things couldn't escalate that far.

"Sirius," I said once more, firm enough to break him out of the haze of red that had fallen over him. His eyes finally met my own. "_Let go._"

"Mc –"

"Please."

Finally listening and thankfully, thankfully releasing the sixth year without doing anything else, Sirius released a deep breath. He stepped away as if he needed the space to clear his head – and he probably did – Sirius looked away from the Ravenclaw who clearly didn't appreciate being made a fool of in front of his friends. When he made to move towards Sirius, I stepped in the way and put my hand on Sirius's chest simply as a preventative measure.

"Next period is going to begin soon," I started slowly with a patient smile, trying to make one of these stubborn boys see sense. "Pretty soon Filch is going to start roaming to see if anyone is lingering and I don't want to wind up in detention, do you? No. So let's just all get going. Okay?"

Despite all his glaring, the sixth year finally walked off after being pushed by his friends. They took a wide berth around Sirius who still seemed a little riled up. Only when the group had disappeared back into the castle did I stop smiling and reach out towards Sirius. I swatted his arm, drawing him from his anger. But by the time he looked at me again, he was calmer.

"You need to stop getting so hot-headed –"

"Because you don't react!" he insisted, following after me as I once more started to walk towards the greenhouse.

"I react – just not how you want me to react." Sirius, still dawdling behind me, startled on his feet when I grabbed him by the sleeve and forced him to walk quickly beside me. "Now hurry the hell up before we're late."

* * *

News of Voldemort's latest exploits were circulating once more around the castle. Despite the sense of false calm, the Professors tried to instil into each of the students, we all knew the truth. The world outside Hogwarts was falling into a mess and once the school year ended, I would find myself living in that world. Just what would it take for this madness to end?

Kaiya, as she walked at my side, spoke softly of the matter. She didn't want any of the first years who weaved through the crowded hall to overhear anything they weren't yet ready to hear. Her sister, working in the Ministry and part of the front line assault launched to try and quell Voldemort's works, was always truthful in her letters when Kaiya asked her questions. Apparently, there were multiple casualties and the Aurors had yet to figure out just what Voldemort was after. If no one knew what he was after, how was he going to be stopped? Sometimes I regretted asking Kaiya if she had spoken with her sister because I was always faced with an onslaught of details that I simply wasn't ready to face. Of course, I didn't want to be naïve to the truth I would have to face in a few short months, but I wasn't completely prepared for the truth either.

Sighing, I tried to sum up some sort of response to the information when we turned the corner into a hallway bursting with echoing jeers and hooping. That sound, one that became so familiar to students passed their first term at Hogwarts, had our paces quickening. That cacophony of sound only ever followed a fight taking place in the middle of the hall. And Merlin, more often than not – a member (or multiple members) of the Marauders were part of the fight. Was it the Gryffindor in them? Or were they all simply ridiculously confrontational?

As we got closer to the crowd, I heard someone call out Sirius's surname and tried not to sigh; someone needed to rein him in with a leash. Pushing through the crowd, I struggled to the front. Kaiya almost lost in the crowd behind me, accepted the hand I extended towards her and took it, following me through the mass of people. Recoiling from the elbows that tried to keep me back, I finally made it to the front of the crowd with Kaiya a short distance behind.

Panting slightly with the exertion of getting a clear view, my eyes instantly went to Sirius. He had, once more, had another boy – a member of my own house this time, hauled before him by his shirt. His knuckled, turning white from the force, refused to ease and I wondered just what had set him off this time – and what had caused such a volatile reaction? I had never seen such anger twist his features so horrifically. Distantly, I heard someone mention something about Regulus – an untoward remark about Sirius's brother was enough to set him off. The complicated relationship the brothers shared was the talk of gossip but was very rarely spoken _to _Sirius. No wonder so many people thought Hufflepuff was the house of the stupid. Novem was the sole example needed for an idiotic Hufflepuff.

I watched, terrified that Sirius was going to do something stupid, as Sirius spoke in a lowered. Whatever he said, spoken with a smile of all things, had the blood draining out of the Hufflepuff's face. Novem nodded abruptly and whatever he responded with had Sirius dropping him with a satisfied smile.

Kaiya, watching silently from beside me, startled me when she shook my arm. Not realising that I had been drawn so into Sirius's drama, I turned curiously towards her. As if the crowd was going to pay attention to her from over watching as Sirius stepped closer to Novem once more and dusted his robes off for him, she spoke softly.

"How fucking scary is it that he's smiling whilst threatening him?" Unbale to answer Kaiya's question, I simply watched as Sirius said something else again that no one but him and Novem heard.

Finally, stepping away from Novem, Sirius dusted his hands clean. Walking back to where he had dropped his bag, Sirius picked it up and slung it over his shoulder He prepared to leave the crowd, stopping only when his eyes settled on me. Without a word, he took my hand and made me follow after him. I struggled for a moment, turning to look over my shoulders in order to apologise to an understanding Kaiya; this wouldn't be the first time he'd dragged me away from one of my friends.

Turning back towards Sirius, I waited until we were around the corner before I roughly pulled my hand away from him. When he looked curiously towards me, I made a face and complained about his manhandling. He didn't seem too bothered, given how he was smiling.

"I guess smiling really can be a show of bravery." He nudged me with his shoulder.

I scoffed, pinning him into place with my eyes. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it!"

"Maybe not," he agreed with a shrug. "But I didn't even have to throw a punch or cast a spell."

Knowing that I wouldn't be able to reason with him anymore, I shook my head and remained silently beside him. Part of me wanted to ask what he was after but instead, I followed and found myself being dropped off to the common room. Or rather, that was what I thought, only to have Sirius corral me into the kitchens so we could 'spend some time together without worrying about people who can't mind their own damned business'.

* * *

When the final lesson of the day, Astronomy, drew to a close, I prepared to make my way back to the common room in the dark of the night. With slow, tired steps, I waved goodbye to the class and because I was the only Hufflepuff, I prepared to walk alone. Although, because I was walking alone, I was hypervigilant to the happenings of the castle. The last thing I needed was for Peeves to strike me simply because I was alone. Helga, just thinking of how narrowly I'd avoided being attacked by the poltergeist, my steps quickened on my way down the stairs of the Astronomy tower.

Coming to the bottom of the stairs, I almost had a heart attack when I spied the person waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Heart jumping in my chest, I breathed out sharply with a warning glance to a grinning Sirius. The arrogant bastard was looking _far _too pleased with himself.

"Why are you even here?" I demanded when he swanned towards me and placed an arm around my shoulder.

"I needed to talk to you," he explained as we walked slowly back through the castle. Despite the mini heart attack I'd had at seeing Sirius appear so suddenly from thin air, I was relieved that he was with me. It seemed like the Marauders had some sort of agreement – or even friendship – with the poltergeist which meant they were firmly off of his prank list. And if the rumours were to be believed, he'd even helped them pull off some of their pranks.

"Sirius?" I prompted at his extended silence.

He sighed, peering down at my face and I knew instantly that it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation. Part of me already knew exactly what he was going to talk to me about. Smiling in the face of his hesitance, I waited patiently.

"Have you heard the new bullshit circulating around the castle? About you?" Of course, I had. This morning, I'd woken up to one of the first years asking if I was somehow related to Voldemort and that was why I was so secretive about my family. I was smart enough to keep it to myself. Sirius, at my silence, breathed out an annoyed sigh. "You do know then."

Nodding, and hoping that was more than enough of an answer, I prepared to walk in silence before Sirius's curiosity grew too prominent again. We didn't even make it to the end of the corridor; Sirius started to speak again.

"How are you keeping up with it then?"

Shrugging out of his arm, I watched as Sirius lowered it once more to his side. Keeping my eyes on him, I offered him a grin – one he'd previously told me he hated because it was too fake. "With a smile on my face."

Shaking his head, Sirius reached out hesitantly. The sight of his hands approaching me, had me slowing in my steps. He matched my paces, his hand lingering in the air, level with my face. When it became obvious that I wasn't going to move away from him, Sirius reached out with a touch as soft as a feather, tucked some of my hair behind my ear. _That _prompted a real smile, one that I seemed to so rarely give. This smile, real and crooked, was saved for those I cared about – my friends and family – and was nothing like the one I gave in the face of uncomfortable situations.

Sirius smiled too – small and slight as if he didn't really want to smile but couldn't help it – "That smile of yours, the real one, is enough to get anyone to fall for you."

Laughing slightly, I pushed him teasingly away from me and continued on my way back to the common room. Or rather, I tried to. But he was there, a hand catching my elbow to still me. Surprised at the contact, I looked curiously towards him and the laughter died down at the intensity of his eyes. Falling silent, I couldn't look away because _Helga, _the colour of his eyes reflected by the wall-mounted torches, was awe-inspiring.

"Sirius?"

"I mean it." He insisted, and for a moment, I couldn't understand what he meant. Realising this, Sirius repeated once more, gentle and so quiet that I might have missed it if I wasn't always paying such hypervigilant attention to him, "Your smile is enough to get anyone to fall for you."

I could only watch him in surprise, not knowing what to do. How did anyone respond when Sirius Black of all people said something like that to you? Especially when it looked like he meant every single word he spoke? So, I played it safe.

Laughing slowly, hollow and fake to my own ears, I turned away from him, "I need to get back to the common room."

"… Let me walk you there."

* * *

With the ridiculous amount of rumours circulating around the castle, I needed to just get out. The rumours were downright stupid and I simply couldn't listen to any of it anymore. More often than not, the rumours would soon find someone else to star and I would get a moment of reprieve. But, pretty soon, someone else would spread some more rubbish about me and the rumour storm would begin once more. The constant pattern was enough for me to begin thinking again about my definition of bravery; maybe I would borrow Sirius's definition and figure out who was starting this rubbish and hex them.

Probably not.

Instead, I put my entire focus into enjoying myself by getting some much-needed reprieve from the castle. I really needed the time away and with Hogsmeade weekends being _way _too few and far between, I sometimes needed to sneak away. Of course, Sirius had offered to show me the secrets of the castle and –

Breathing out sharply and dismissing thoughts of Sirius, I finished getting ready for my trip. Once I was dressed, I shrugged into my coat and hurried down to the common room to join my friends as they waited on the sofa. Once we were all present, we walked to the great hall, chatting eagerly as we went. It was the first time in absolutely ages that we'd all agreed to spend the trip together. The last few trips sometimes some people had dates, some people couldn't make the trip because of homework and then there was that one trip where I'd missed because of intense period cramps.

Finally coming to the great hall, we searched the space around us for our head of house so we could all sign out. Only, the moment I found the head of our house, my eyes lingered on Sirius as he watched me insistently from where he was standing. His friends were stood around him, talking about something but it seemed like Sirius really wasn't a member of the conversation. He wanted to talk to me, I knew he did. But, because I had retreated last time, he wasn't going to push the matter yet. He would wait for me to approach him and no longer willing for anything to remain unsaid, I turned back towards my friends.

Unsurprisingly, they'd caught the silent interaction and waved me away with a sigh. Promising to sign me out as well, they gave me the physical shove I needed to begin walking towards Sirius. Only, I wasn't certain I would be able to get the entire way there. Likely knowing this, likely seeing the wavering in my features, he abandoned his friends to meet me halfway.

Sighing shakily, I wrung my hands together when he came to a stop in front of me. He watched me steadily for a moment and I prayed, _prayed _that he wasn't going to start abruptly. Sirius knew me far too well.

"Any plans for the day?" he asked with a hesitant smile.

Despite the plans I'd made to spend the day with my friends, I answered, "Nothing. Nothing planned really, I was just going to hit the shops."

"Right." He nodded, sighing softly. Abruptly, Sirius straightened up and rolled his shoulders. Giving me another smile, Sirius said, "Merlin, this is so bloody awkward. Can we just be the way we normally are?"

"I'd like that," I admitted truthfully, not used to this awkwardness that lingered between us.

With a relieved laugh, Sirius prepared to say something. Only, he was cut off by my friends as they walked past us to head towards the carriages. They called out teasingly for Sirius to look after me and that they would see me back at the common room later on in the day. Left alone with Sirius, I turned my eyes back to his.

"No need to turn the puppy eyes onto me, McEwen. You can spend the day with me." He gestured, with an obnoxious wave of his arms, for me to walk ahead first.

"How do you even know I was going to ask?" I shot back, following his lead and beginning to walk. Sirius followed after me, reaching out suddenly to fix the collar of my coat. Startled at his proximity, my breath caught a little as I looked at him.

The bastard, knowing all too well what he was doing to me, arched a teasing eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"_No." _Snatching my collar away from him, I waited for him to walk by my side. "Am I ruining any of your plans?"

"Nothing that matters more than you." And as if his blatant words weren't enough to surprise me, he reached out to take my hand.

I looked down in surprise, watching as he linked his fingers through mine. Raising my eyes hesitantly towards his, I found his own studying my reaction closely. Finding no rejection and finding my all too willing yet silent consent, he swung our hands as we walked. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe we could go like this?" he suggested, using his hand to draw me closer to his side. We walked so closely that our shoulders brushed.

"Sirius Black," I teased, "what in Merlin's name has gotten into you?"

"I told you I would fall for that smile."


	2. Epilogue: 4 Years Later

_4 YEARS LATER _

Slowly, we were all healing. Slowly, Sirius was healing, recovering from the loss of his very best friend. When we'd both heard the news of the Potter's ultimate demise, Sirius had gone mad, laughing a hysteric hollow sound because there was nothing else for him to do. If smiling in the face of horror was bravery – then laughing was even better. He'd always taken such a maladaptive approach to it.

Once he'd laughed himself hoarse, I was forced to watch from the sidelines as my boyfriend holed himself up in his room and refused to let me in. He didn't eat and I was fairly certain he didn't sleep. Thankfully, the episode lasted a day and he recovered upon remembering that he had a godson who needed him. I was there, the shoulder he needed whenever things grew too hard in his fight against Dumbledore's decision to place Harry with his muggle family. Eventually, we had won the fight and little Harry was the sole reason that Sirius was recovering. I knew that and I loved the little boy even more for it.

The loss of James and Lily had affected Sirius so deeply that he grew far less social than he used to be, refusing to leave the house unless he needed to. And so, it was a miracle that we were even walking down Diagon Alley with Harry walking between us. It was a small step in the right direction.

When Harry grew tired of walking, I picked him up and held him on my hip, telling Sirius that we were going to pop into the ice cream parlour. Sirius, telling us to rest whilst he headed off to buy Harry a snitch – because it was important for some reason, likely because Potter had always had a snitch with him – walked away with a kiss to both of our cheeks.

Sitting in the ice cream parlour, I watched with a smile as Harry ate his ice cream so slowly that it was melting all over his hands. The chocolate ice cream streaked all across his mouth and when I fake sighed and wiped at his mouth, Harry giggled, sharp and sweet. He even held out his spoon towards me for a bite. When it seemed like I was going to refuse, he pushed the spoon insistently towards me and I indulged him. Merlin, Sirius didn't like chocolate – because it was poisonous for dogs and he'd convinced himself that meant it was poisonous for him – and so chocolate ice cream wasn't allowed in our house.

Once Harry was finished with his ice cream, I delved into my bag for some wipes and cleaned his sticky face and hands. Satisfied that he was clean, I helped Harry jump down to the floor and extended a hand towards him. Holding his hand, I grinned down at Harry as he called out a loud _thank you _over his shoulder as we left the shop.

Reminding Harry to hold on to my hand, I walked right back towards the shop that I'd last seen Sirius head into; something was keeping him far longer than he needed to be. As we walked into the shop of Quidditch supplies, I almost bumped right into someone who struggled to weave through the crowd. Knowing that if I was going to lose Harry anywhere, it would be in this shop, I picked him up and cradled him in my arms. By my ears, he murmured something unintelligible as he gestured to one of the snitches that flew around the shop. Frowning slightly, I searched the crowd for Sirius and found him standing in the corner.

Relieved, I headed right for my boyfriend and only when I got closer, did I see the little boy hiding behind his leg as if seeking shelter from the crowd. Squashing down the wave of concern at the blatant terror on the child's face, I looked curiously towards Sirius.

"Who is this?"

The child retreated further behind Sirius, calling out, "Dad."

My heart dropped for a moment, trying not to see any similarities between Sirius and the child as Sirius rushed to explain; dark curly hair and –

"I lost my dad in the shop," the child said again, sounding on the verge of tears.

Releasing a deep relieved breath, I lowered Harry to the floor. Our godson watched the other boy nervously and I extended a gentle hand towards the kid. Hesitantly, he peeked out from behind Sirius and gently approached me. Still, refusing to take my hand, he instead held onto Harry's hand.

"Sweetheart, what's your dad's name? Maybe we can announce it and see if he comes?" Deciding that I could be trusted, the boy told me his father's name.

Together, with the two boys walking between us, we walked to the counter. Sirius headed off for a moment to pass on a message to the worker behind the till who made an announcement that echoed around the shop. We waited, all four of us, by the counter for the father to arrive. And when he did, frazzled and clearly stressed, he hurriedly embraced his son. He stumbled over his words to thank us before departing with his son tucked safely in his arms.

"You actually got scared for a moment," Sirius teased, delving into his pocket to give Harry the snitch that he'd bought for him. The snitch, unanimated for now, settled easily inside Harry's eager palms. I shot him an unimpressed look.

"Remember when you asked me what it would take for the smile to leave my face?" At his nod, I pointed towards the retreated back of the child. "Something like that. I swear if you were running around behind my back, I would leave you within a heartbeat."

"Lucky for you, I'm committed." He wriggled his eyebrows teasingly as he ducked down to kiss me, with a hand shielding Harry's eyes. Still, Harry made a sound of disgust, "Not sure how you managed it, but it's the truth."

I pushed him away with a roll of my eyes, "Oh, please."


End file.
